I just finished sending off the cotton paper. These things usually ask for a short autobiography and I try and keep them as short and simple as possible. But, just once I think it would be fun to send something like the following.
J. Otto Pohl has finally gotten a position as a lecturer seven years after earning his PhD. He spent two years of that time living in the deserts of Arivaca eating moths and beetles. During this time he wasted a huge amount of effort and postage applying for jobs in the US. Instead he should have been looking for jobs in Africa. From 2007 to 2010 he lived and worked in Central Asia. But, he still wasted time and energy that he will never get back looking for a job in the US instead of looking in Africa where it would have done him a lot more good. Now he is not wasting any time or calories attempting to get a job at a US university and as a result was able to write and edit this book chapter on cotton in German Togoland.